Procrasination- one of those sneaky things ending in "-ation"

In my kitchen, checking my email again, trying to ween myself off of facebook by going on myspace, trying to ween myself off of myspace by checking my email, trying to ween myself off of email by- no, Not trying to ween myself off of email at all. But expecting nugget after nugget of friends' well wishing wisdom to flood forth from my computer screen, too manana to write back. My email account starts to seem like a pick and mix of best friend samples- and me, takin and takin without any givin'. This is worse than procrastination- it's just plain selfish.

But wait- it gets worse- my flatmate James comes into the room bearing a container of jelly bellies. "My sister was just in America" he says as my eyes lit up. He good naturedly puts them on the kitchen table, signalling that they are for the flat to share- but to the detriment of the many, when he leaves I start eating them by the handful- potent and unpleasant flavour combinations filling my mouth. Grape coffee? Truly, if that were a good idea Starbucks would have patented it ages ago.

But no no no, I'm not here to tell you about light fixtures or anything else. I am here, in this blogging room, to diversify the way that I procrastinate. And rather than continue putting my relationship with my flatmates at perril by reading my own blog and eating jelly beans (what, I ask you what, could be more self indulgent?) I thought I'd continue this internet conversation and say something.

I- .... hm. I- ... crap. (I'm at a loss for words. Gawd, this is even more self indulgent.)

Okay, okay, I've got it- I recently read a very good book! Haruki Murakami's Kafka on the Shore, an excellent example of Murakami's Magic Realism- he skilfully creates a world in which the most fantastical things can happen, but where characters are well drawn enough that the fantastical things come as a total shock- as though they were happening in reality and not in some fictional sci fi universe. Think Charlie Kaufmann but way better and in a novel. He is, well, he's really great. You should all buy the book now.

Oh man, now I have a stomach ache. I wasn't kidding about those jelly bellies. What a bad idea. What a bad idea. What a-

Sorry. This blog will self destruct in ten seconds.

10, 9. 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, ....

Nothing happened? I guess now you're disappointed in more ways than....1! (zAZOOM!)

Still nothing happened? oh. Ok.

Fine. Truth is, I am supposed to be writing three script reports and a theatre review. But I meant all that about the Murakami. When I finished that book I felt the sadness of a best friend moving away. Something so comforting finished. Like a perfectly perfect day.

PS: The next post will be better. Really. Maybe tomorrow- or Wednesday? I could do Thursday, possibly... well, just, some time in the future. You'll see. My next post will be so wonderful that it will jump off of the computer screen, emerge as a wise old man, and tell you a tale that will break your heart. It will be the best blog posting that ever there was. transcendent. splendent. Mendent. Word-creating. Next time. - just you wait. Just you....

(You read a post titled Procrastination. What were you expecting? Mozart?)