The Great and Powerful Google

Bloggy friends! I put out a cry for bloggy help, and you stepped out of the rain one by one, like characters in a nineteen eighties teen movie. (This simile has been swyped from Fieldsage. Take that, Fieldsage!) Eitherway, I'm glad. It's nice to know I've got at least three readers. Including my mom. (Hi Mom!)

Okay, so what's interesting me at the moment are these strange virals so many of my friends (including me) have been doing on facebook lately - Typing your name + "needs" into Google, and expecting it, like some bizarre interweb prophet, to come up with all the right answers. I mean, I'd find this utterly ridiculous... if it weren't eerily accurate? No, no, I didn't really just say that. (I did really just say that.) Shaddup. Basically, I typed "Deborah needs" and a tear nearly came to my eye when I saw the list that appeared.

Deborah needs help
Deborah needs professional profile
Deborah needs chicken soup
Deborah just needs
Deborah needs your prayers

I have such serious needs! Such very serious needs! Also, not so differently from 2007 (scroll back to read Staceybot's guest posting on my blog about this) I am still rather torn about whether to use "Deborah" or "Debbie" as a full time name. When it comes to the "Needs" game, this discrepency over my name came up with some interesting alternatives... "Debbie needs a saddle" and "Debbie needs to look behind her" being the tops of the tops. (I actually did look behind me.) It did certainly seem, at least from Google, that Debbie was having notably more fun than Deborah.

My internet procrastinating went a step further, and I started to wonder, if Google knows what Deborah and Debbie need, maybe Google also know what I want.

Now can I pause for a moment, while you remain in utter suspense over what I want, to say that I find the very existence of this game slightly... off. And wrong? This coming from a girl who was OCD until she was 22, but the internet - the internet should not be allotted any superstitions, any notions of supernatural powers, any magic - because it's robotic, for one. Man made, for two. And... already magical enough, for three. Assigning the internet supernatural powers is like admitting to a talking android being sexy. Like, it is sort of sexy. But saying so is so very, very, hugely, profoundly, wrong.

Okay- back to what I want. Aside from a sexy Android. No. really. I didn't mean that. GAwd. I didn't.

Deborah wants Jack Bog's Blog
Deborah wants to write letters to creditors
Deborah wants blog catalog topic (this is riveting stuff, isn't it. You're wishing I would start posting about HRM products again, aren't you?)
Deborah wants nothing to do with wankers.

And then I thought, okay, we've got what I need. We've got what I want. But what do I have? Surely, oh knowing Google, you can give me some light at the end of this esoteric tunnel?

Deborah has lost her head.
Deborah has a room to rent in a flatshare.
Deborah has advised Northumbria University
Deborah has also written last Clasman trilogy
Deborah has reformulated its biotec suncare

Oh Google. You are as unforgiving as you are mysterious.