Anger... Rising...

Wow, my first ever bonfafide angry post. It's late here in Engerland, and I should probably be turning off the lights and getting ready to sleep, but I could just not let this one slide. Very recently an idiocracy-style Foxnews panel show called Red Eye ran a segment where the host commented on the Canadian military taking a year off by saying that they "didn't know they were even there" and that a country with "mounties instead of policemen" (the only time I've ever seen a mounty has been in Ottawa, where tourists are often seen posing with them) is not a smart country. I was nearly endeared to that particular panel members' idiocracy. (When I refer to Idiocracy, I am referring to the limited release Mike Judge movie where the future is a place where no one has an IQ over 80. I have recently been given cause to believe that certain Foxnewscasters have actually been transported here from that very future.) That particular panel member, I'm going to call him Sergeant Dumbody, also said that he was more worried about Mexicans taking a page out of Canada's book since they were so prone to siestas. "Siesta is actually a Mexican word" he commented. To which the host of the show, in an unmitigated moment of normality (which in the Foxnews Idiocracy actually looks like sheer and utter brilliance - almost as good as the time that other guy on the show looked at the screen, stopped picking his nose with his tie, and his eyes widened with fear and awe as he seemed to realize that those cameras lead out to a tv world somewhere) said, "I don't speak Mexican, I speak Spanish." To which Sergeant Dumbody pithily countered, "Well I speak American. Look it up." Ho ho ho ho ho. Sergeant Dumbody! I will look it up. You are such a wonderful jokester! Such a brilliant satirist! Your word is mightier than any military. All Hail to the word of Sergeant Dumbody!

Of course on a personal level, this dredged up memories of 2002, the worst year for Canadian/American relations, one year after George Bush Jr. forgot to thank Canada for redirecting air traffic, taking Americans into their homes, and driving Americans great distances on September 11th, and the year that 2 Canadians were killed in friendly fire in Afghanistan (the first Canadians to be killed in Afghanistan, I believe) and America was achingly slow to apologize. Not to mention the fact that 4% of all Canadian soldiers sent to Afghanistan die. That's 1 in 20, much higher than the ratio for American soldiers. Luckily, the political relationship between our countries is far better now. I'm not angry at America, I'm angry at Foxnews. And Foxnews is easy enough for Canadians (who also get the network) to take their anger out on.

The host of the show countered that the segment was satirical, and apologized if his comments were "misunderstood." What I love about "misunderstood" is that it suggests that he was somehow operating on a higher level - I could always chock it up to the fact that I don't speak American. In fact, if I did Understand, then what passes for satire in certain parts of Republican America really does just look like a few token xenophobics basically spewing unfunny hatred upon hearing that a historically peaceful ally (that has never been attacked) needs some time to recoup because they've spent the last few years fighting a couple of impossible wars for the very country that's making fun of them. I'm not an American, but if I were, I'd stuff the panel of Foxnews' Redeye back into the same locker that they tortured Nerdlinger with in what they no doubt remember as their funniest joke of all time. Let's hope that nobody hears them muffling for the next four years. Of course, maybe the host of the show was right. Maybe he was operating on some sort of meta level, not satirizing the Canadian military, but satirizing his network's attempts at doing anything. I still can't be sure, so I'll be brushing up on my American. I have a feeling... just an inkling feeling... that if the mysterious language does exist, in most circles it's agreed that in American the word Foxnews still carries its universal meaning of "Thundering *ssholes."





PS: This segment has undone all the good work on Canadian jokes by the nice people responsible for the Southpark movie.

PPS: See that picture of Luke Wilson at the top of this post? He's weeping for you, Red Eye.